孩子，我應該留給你什麼？

文╱Carol(奧林大穎文化總編輯 )


有一個故事是這樣說的.......

一個小男孩有一個好朋友，小男孩從小就跟這個好朋友每天形影不離，
這個好朋是 一隻小豬，而這個小男孩的爸爸是個以殺豬為生的屠夫，小豬養大了，有一天會是爸爸要屠宰的對象。
小男孩一直很怕小豬長大，他怕失去最要好的朋友。
可是，小男孩不知道的是── 爸爸也快死了，因為爸爸得了癌症，醫生告訴爸爸只剩半年的時間可活了。
爸爸還是每天靜靜的工作，他想只剩半年了，更要好好工作，多賺點錢留給兒子過日子。
「除了錢之外呢？孩子，我還應該留給你什麼呢？」爸爸這樣想著。
爸爸告訴小男孩：「再過一陣子，我要殺你的那隻小豬了，到時候，請你當我的助手，在一旁幫我。」
小男孩不只悲傷，還很生氣。他想：「爸爸真過分！真殘忍！」
爸爸依然每天工作、殺豬；小男孩對小豬很不捨，全心全意珍惜跟小豬相處的每一天， 也因為對爸爸的不諒解， 小男孩要求自己要更堅強面對這一切，他不願在爸爸面前示弱。
到了該殺小豬的那一天了 ......
爸爸沒有殺小豬，因為爸爸在那一天死了。

小男孩靜靜的流眼淚，他終於了解爸爸的心意了。小男孩沒有嚎啕大哭，
因為他對 「失去」一直有準備，現在他更知道──爸爸要他一直有這種準備。
每個父母都愛孩子，愛的方式通常只想到「保護孩子、給孩子快樂、讓孩子得到很 多」，但是， 人生不只是一直得到的吧？我們還要面對很多「失去」。
大一點的失去，是像那個小男孩一樣，失去至親；小一點的失去，有可能是丟掉一個心愛的玩具， 或是一個好朋友搬家、轉學。
這些不都是孩子每天都在面對的嗎？怎麼能不教呢？

怕孩子被綁架，最好的保護不是一天二十四小時跟著他，而是教他遇到狀況時如何自保；
怕孩子生病，不要將他關在無菌室，而是教他懂得自我保健，萬一生病了，又該如何自救；
怕孩子跌倒受傷，更要教他如何讓自己避免跌倒，萬一跌倒了，自己又該如何處理.....
愈是愛孩子，愈要想：「如果有一天我不在他身邊時，我該留什麼給他？」
讓孩子學會面對「失去」、面對不那麼完美的人生、有能力安慰自己，我想是必要的。

《莉莎的星星》、《獨自去旅行》、《好好哭吧》 是三本以不一樣的故事討論「失去」 這個議題的童書。 說是童書，其實裡面有很多的涵義也是很適合大人去想想的 ......
《莉莎的星星》講的是一個小女孩莉莎生病了，需要長期住院、不能去上學，其他小朋友對同學生病這件事的反應。 有些孩子一開口就問：「莉莎生的病會不會傳染給別人？」 有些孩子則是擔心莉莎會不會死 .....
每一個孩子面對同樣狀況，所思所想都不太一樣，這就是個可以跟孩子好好討論的點。
最難過的是莉莎的好朋友班尼。莉莎生病後，班尼很自責，覺得一定是自己沒有對莉莎好，她才會生病。
又在心裡偷偷許願要把玩具都送給別人，如果這樣可以使莉莎好起來的話.....
班尼的這些屬於孩子的天真、善意情懷，讀來真是令人動容。
我們經由一個故事，看到了生命的美好，也學習到一種新的對應生命挫折的態度......

《獨自去旅行》則是用很童話式的可愛動物、鮮豔色彩去詮釋一個有點小悲傷的「失去朋友」的故事。 兔子要遠行，浣熊、鴨子、大象雖然不捨，但大家以「回憶和兔子度過的快樂時光」來互相安慰，
讓「失去」這個本來是負面的情緒，轉化成積極的生命能量。
《好好哭吧》卻是由一個溫柔的死神說故事給孩子們聽，把生跟死、快樂跟悲傷、歡笑跟哭泣，
這些原本看似對立、但其實應該是並存的情感放在一起看， 讓孩子理解生活裡本來就有正面和負面的東西，應該快樂去面對正面的、好的事情，也需要有度量接受生命中不好的、負面的人事物。

所有對孩子的發展觀察及研究報告都一再顯示，一個孩子將來賴以為生存的、足以跟別人競爭的能力，
絕不是 英文、數學、電腦這些技能 ，而是抗壓性 、挫折忍受力、處理問題的能力、 能不能自我管理、知不道自己要什麼、 能不能體諒別人、跟別人好好共處 .....等等這些作為一個人的 " 完整人格特質 " 。

技能 ，只要想學，一段時間就可以學會；
天生的人格特質 ，則需要從小很精細的觀察、引導、培養，
長大了， 帶著這些特質去面對自己人生的種種問題，
從小沒學會這些 ，長成大人了，人格特質成形了，再要彌補往往辛苦加倍，有時也未必能扭轉得過來。

一個有美好人格特質 的孩子，不管父母在不在身邊、不管將來會碰到多艱困的環境和人事，
我想他都可以自己泰然自若的生活下去吧！

一頭死驢的啟示

一個城裡男孩Kenny移居到了鄉下，從一個農民那裡花 100美元買了一頭驢， 這個農民同意第二天把驢帶來給他。
第二天農民來找Kenny：「對不起！小伙子，我有一個壞消息要告訴你：那頭驢死了。」
Kenny回答：「好吧，你把錢還給我就行了！」
農民說：「不行，我不能把錢還給你，因為我已經把錢給花掉了。」
Kenny說：「Ok，那麼就把那頭死驢給我吧！」
農民很納悶：「你要那頭死驢幹嘛？」
Kenny說：「我可以用那頭死驢作為幸運抽獎的獎品。」
農民叫了起來：「你不可能把一頭死驢作為抽獎獎品，沒有人會要它的！」
Kenny回答：「別擔心，看我的！我不告訴任何人這頭驢是死的就行了。」
幾個月以後，農民遇到了Kenny。
農民問他：「那頭死驢後來怎麼樣了？」
Kenny說：「我舉辦了一次幸運抽獎，並把那頭驢作為獎品，我賣出了499張票，
每張2塊錢，就這樣，我得了998塊錢，扣除了向你買驢子的100塊錢，我還賺 898 塊錢！」
農民好奇地問：「難道沒有人對此表示不滿？」
Kenny回答：「只有那個中獎的人表示不滿，所以我把他買票的錢還給了他！」
許多年後，長大了的 Kenny成為了安隆(Enron)公司的總裁。

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這篇類似寓言的文章，給了我們三個啟示 (最後一個啟示最真切) ：

1.小朋友要多用心思考、克服困境，以後才能做大公司的總裁。
2.千萬不要想有抽獎就有好康的，詐騙集團都是運用人ㄉ貪小便宜心態。
3.公司的高階主管都嘛是會說謊話，尤其總裁是最會騙人的。

情在人間

吃飯讀書，不簡單 小時候，父母親對你說： "孩子啊，乖乖把飯吃完。你看，中國和印度的小孩都沒飯吃。 " 今天，你應該對孩子說： "孩子啊，乖乖把書讀完。你看，中國和印度的孩子，已經在搶你的飯碗了。 " 前者是以前的世界；後者，不是未來的世界，而是如今的世界。它已經活生生發生了，只是很多人還不知道，或者還不能接受。 不久前，副首相納吉到印度訪問，行程包括前往印度的矽谷邦加羅，參觀印度軟件巨頭，也是世界最大的資訊工藝外包公司 Infosys。 Infosys創辦人 Narayana Murthy，很客氣的接待納吉，同時也很禮貌的敘述他和馬來西亞的一段淵源。 幾年前， Infosys有意來馬來西亞投資，準備把部份業務分散到這裡。 當時， Infosys雖然沒有今天的規模和地位，但是在全球資訊工藝領域，已經嶄露頭角，尤其在商業程序外包（ BPO）方面，獲得歐美眾多跨國公司的委託，份量非同小可。 它相中了馬來西亞，馬來西亞政府部門卻把它當成是一家嘛嘛檔公司。各種投資申請，束之高閣，無人理會。 資訊業一日千里，邦加羅總部不能適應大馬的甘榜作業方式，派出高級人員來馬洽談，移民局卻把印度電腦專才當成是孟加拉勞工，在簽證問題上大作文章。 無奈之下， Infosys撤消投資計劃，並且在投資名單中刪除了大馬。 Narayana先生敘述這段經驗時，不知心情如何，是遺憾呢？還是暗暗爽在心裡？ 很可能是暗爽吧。沒有在大馬設立基地，並不影響 Infosys的發展。 幾年之內，它成為全球最耀眼的電腦軟件公司，並且在全球大展拳腳，包括獲得中國政府熱情邀請，提供特別優惠獎掖之下，前陣子在中國上海落戶，準備在 2009 年時，在中國聘請1 萬名員工。 與 Infosys失之交臂的大馬，雖然也未淪落到窮途末路，但是多媒體走廊的招牌怎麼擦也亮不起來。還有，幾萬名大學畢業生，包括許多國立大學的電腦、資訊工藝學生，找不到學有所用的工作。 身為副首相，納吉的心情又是如何？ 愛打高爾夫球的納吉，當然知道全球最佳高爾夫球員之一的 VJ Singh。 原籍斐濟，印裔血統的 VJ Singh， 80年代末期曾經在大馬駐留，對大馬環境頗為鍾情，因此曾經申請成為大馬公民。 但是，大馬的移民局官員何曾在乎 VJ Singh，也許他的申請，還排在幾萬名，或幾十萬名印尼和菲律賓人之後。 VJ Singh後來離開大馬，幾年之後，他榮獲世界數個高爾夫球賽的冠軍，並且曾經排名世界第一。只要扭開體育頻道的高爾夫球賽，就不難聽到： "來自斐濟的 VJ Singh ，3 桿入洞，得到了birdie… 。" 世界變了，大馬卻變得很慢。 也許有一天，中國和印度人會說： "孩子，乖乖吃飯，乖乖讀書。你看，馬來西亞的孩子沒飯吃，沒書讀。 "

EDS Advance Learning

Mr Crocodile Steve Irwin: a lesson in how to live.

Hi EC

Thanks for such a meaningful email.
Life is to enjoy living and doing what we enjoy living.
So let's enjoy andbe happy at whatever obstacle that comes to our daily life and live in harmony.
Treasure our colleagues from 9-5 and love our loved ones from5-9.

Cheers/chris
********************************************************

By Mary Beth Crain

Steve Irwin, the guy who did all those wild and crazy things with crocodiles and lived to tell about it, met an unexpected end yesterday when he was killed by, of all things, a stingray.

Irwin was known for getting up close and personal with all sorts of deadly creatures. His forte, of course, was the croc, but "I've worked with more dangerous snakes than anyone in the world, and I've never been bitten," he often boasted. And then, more humbly, "It's a gift."
And yet, his gift didn't work on the stingray that punctured his heart.
Irwin's death is a lesson in irony.
Irony No. 1: He was filming a documentary entitled "The Ocean's Deadliest," when the ray got him during an off-camera swim.
Irony No. 2: The stingray is usually non-aggressive.
Irony No. 3: While it's a deadly fish, very few people actually die from its bites. In fact, Irwin was one of only three people in Australia ever to die from a stingray attack.

Was it God's joke on Steve? Just desserts, for a daredevil life? The stingray's revenge, for annoying the creatures of the sea and poking his nose and camera where they didn't belong? Or was it a fitting end, a mercifully quick conclusion to an exuberant if incautious life, staged and executed by nature?

Lots of people expected Irwin to meet his end sooner rather than later. Most, myself included, passed him off as a camera-hungry thrill seeker whose egomania was simply astonishing. He'd wrestle a croc while yelling melodramatic observations like, "I'm being whacked around, facing death at every turn.... Bruises, broken bones, you name it, all in the name of crocodile conservation!" Yeah, right, I'd think. All in the name of Steve Irwin, who'll not only do anything to prove his manhood, but actually has the gall to tell you just how brave he is.

But you know, I don't feel that way anymore. After reading about Irwin, and watching Larry King's 2004 interview with him, which was rebroadcast last night, I have to say that Steve Irwin was a man who lived life to the absolute fullest, and died doing what he loved. Yes, he was crazy, by the average person's standards. Yes, he craved the spotlight. Yes, he tempted the fates. Yes, he was hyper！he'd often been accused of being an adrenaline junkie, and his friend John Stinton, who was with him when he died, admitted that, "One problem Steve had was that he couldn't sit still for five seconds and because the weather was bad today and for the last couple of days, he'd been liked a caged lion because he hadn't really been able to do anything much in the way of filming. So he said, 'Look, I might just go off and shoot some segments,' anything that would keep him moving and his adrenaline going and that's what happened..."

It seemed, on the surface, to be these silly character flaws, and not the stingray, that got him in the end.

Yet the truth of the matter, I now believe, is that Irwin was a man of enormous intensity who sincerely believed that "God put me on this earth for a mission, and that mission is wildlife conservation." He was born to his calling; at the age of eight he was already catching crocs, and he took to animals, and danger, "like a fish to water," as he aptly put it. He knew that he was living on a constant precipice, but, as he said, "I have no fear of losing my life," and "Fear helps me from making mistakes！but I make a lot of mistakes."

Yet Irwin never let fear stand in the way of his love of life. He was out there risking, every day, and learning and growing and, well, living. His death is being called, of course, a tragedy. He was only 44. He was a happy husband and father of two great kids. He was a great conservationist who, had he lived, could have done so much more for wildlife preservation. One of his dreams, for instance, was to use the money he was making from royalties and his famed Australia Zoo to buy large tracts of wilderness land and create wilderness reserves that could never be bought by developers.

But is his death really all that tragic? I know a lot of people who are so afraid of dying that they end up afraid to live. So afraid of failure that they end up failing to try. It makes you ask the question, what's worse? Living an unlived life, or dying a lived one? We know what Irwin's answer would have been.
I can't say I'll miss Steve Irwin, because the only time I ever watched him was when I was channel surfing. But I can say that even in death, I envy him. I'm 55, out of shape, diabetic, and afraid of dying. I could get in shape, change my diet and my attitude, and really kick ass and start living, but I haven't. When you think about it, I live in just as big a danger zone as Steve Irwin did. I could use a little more of his hyperactivity, or, if you prefer, boundless enthusiasm. I could use a shot or two of his brazen disregard for fear and disdain for inertia. I'm not saying I need to wrestle crocs or hunt pythons, but I wouldn't mind experiencing life to the fullest instead of waking up every morning afraid to test my blood sugar.

To me, Steve Irwin's death is a reminder that everybody's life is an enigma, and that we are not here to rate others, only to improve ourselves. I was quick to dismiss Irwin as a numbskull nutcase who got what he deserved！until I looked at myself and realized that I am certainly no paragon of wise living. Something tells me that the ebullient, passionate, adventurous-to-the-end Mr. Irwin was too busy living to pass judgment on how others spent their time. That！and not his risk-taking excesses！could be the real lesson of his death！

A lesson we all could learn.